Quinn Nystrom wrote:

“The thing about diabetes is that right from your diagnosis there is an obsession with eating and numbers, and back when I was diagnosed the language really focused around ‘good diabetics’ and ‘bad diabetics,’ and ‘good food’ and ‘bad food.

“When I was diagnosed with type 1, I think some people thought that now I had this diagnosis of diabetes it would cure my eating disorder, because now I had to eat on a set schedule. But this just wasn’t the case. In fact, it only emphasized the thoughts I was already having, and my body image issues transformed into full-blown bulimia.

“I guess in my mind my doctor always told me I was going to have a tough time with diabetes and being thin, so I thought, “I’m just going to cut corners–that’s not an eating disorder.” That’s what I really thought in my mind for all those years.

“I was a master manipulator in lying to myself about my behaviour and the severity of my bulimia. I needed to realize that this had taken over my life and it had taken my friend. Being immersed in residential treatment saved my life.

“I still have type 1 diabetes. I still have low blood sugars. I still have to count every carb that goes into my mouth. But I’m now choosing a life for myself to actively seek recovery every day.”

This article impacted me strongly. I delved into that time I was diagnosed and the ensuing years. I felt the anger, depression and heavy grief run through that young child… unfortunately it is still clinging to me as an adult.

I struggle daily with this… to grow up and not stay in this pit of blackness. And I try to come back to the Now and remember I can do things to help myself not be controlled by the adults around me, as I did as a young child. I am praying I will mature before it is too late. There is no magic answer just hard work and dedication in this life. This is where the fasting comes in… this is my answer right now.

All these thoughts, feelings and fears lead to Resistance. I’ll continue this in my next post.

—Nicole