“Diabulimia is an eating disorder in which women, men or teens with Type 1 diabetes deliberately take less insulin than their bodies need in order to control their weight. The disorder is a very dangerous way to get thin. Research has found that diabulimia raises the risk of serious diabetes complications.” Rosewood–Centers for Eating Disorders
When I was a teenager I suffered from diabulimia. Now it is emotional eating without the intention of getting thin (by not taking insulin).
Some may think that I am using fasting to indulge in my eating disorder. There is always that concern. Yet, fasting for me is about healing my body and cleansing the toxins trapped in the tissues. I am not doing it to get thin. I am trying to be able to live life without feeling crummy. Plus ridding myself of the constant need to emotionally eat.
“According to studies girls and women with type 1 diabetes are at a higher risk of developing an eating disorder than females in the general population,” says Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders. “Those with diabetes have to pay a lot of attention to food at all times – carefully calibrating the impact of every snack and meal on their blood sugar so they don’t eat too much or too little, which can lead to hypoglycemia. These habits, which are needed to manage the disease and maintain health, can have the unwanted side effect of triggering anxiety related to food or other eating-related issues.”
Back in the late 70s and early 80s, the medical system did not have this label. The doctors scratched their heads not knowing what was going on with me. I am still struggling with addiction because I cannot get away from portioned food and weighing it because of the insulin. Finding acceptance is a struggle every day. Which is a reason I still reach for food.
Reconciling seems to be part of my path and this all goes to (one concept): Resistance. Steven Pressfield says in the The War of Art, “Resistance by definition is self-sabotage.”
Self-sabotage is a big struggle in all areas of my life. Hoping the fasting will (continue to) help me clear these thoughts away.
–Nicole
P.S. Yesterday I was impatient with others and self. Wanting to eat. Looking to the end of the fast. Constantly smelling and seeing food is bothersome. The infections in my mouth and foot was very painful . John said he could smell them coming from my body–all gone today. John also said, “You look more vibrant.” Had diarrhea which is connected to having glucose tablets for low blood sugars. Urine output is up. Blood sugars yesterday were 1.7 mmol/l (30.6 mg/dl) to 4.2 mmol/l (75.6mg/dl). Today so far 4.4 mmol/l (79.2 mg/dl) to 4.9 mmol/l (88.2mg/dl). No insulin injected for 42 hours.
